A Momentum supported family at Christmas

One of Momentum’s Therapists, Fiona, said: “Great patience and love are required to get through this time of year, but it is important to let children know that it’s okay to have plans and enjoy themselves, even though they may feel sad. Some people feel guilty because they feel happy despite their loss – expressing joy doesn’t mean you miss the person any less.”

Fiona continued: “Do take some time out for yourself and encourage others to do the same. Grief is exhausting, so quiet time and rest time can help. If you feel able to, share memories with friends or visit somewhere that you used to go to with the person who has died. Some families may want to make Christmas simpler and different to other years and this is ok – most importantly, do what suits you and your family.”

Some of our supported families have shared ways they remember and celebrate their family members at Christmas, and precious memories they have of them at this time of year. We hope this brings some comfort to other families:

Talking about the ways he remembers his brother Andrew at Christmas, Thomas said: “I love the ways that we celebrate Andrew at Christmas. One of the ways is that we have a separate Christmas tree at home that’s dedicated to him, which is decorated with different baubles – some are bought by us, and some are bought and made by our friends – they are all there to remember him. I hang a new bauble on this tree every Christmas Eve. There is a special tree at Wakehurst, which is Andrew’s memorial tree. On Christmas Eve, we go there and take cards that have been written by friends and family, and we read them to him.”

Jane shares memories of her son James at Christmas: “James loved Christmas and from an early age, the memories we made with him give us so much comfort today. When decorating the Christmas tree, he loved the smell of tinsel. Tree decorations, especially the handmade ones from school, they had to go on! The sound of him singing his heart out at the school nativity and carol service, waiting for the John Lewis advert. We have created so many family traditions, and I must keep them going. Making Christmas cakes, our gingerbread house decorating event, James playing Jingle Bells on his custom-made Santa bells suit and making sausage rolls on Christmas Eve. On Christmas morning, James would shake his presents, hoping to hear the sound of LEGO bricks. James was our Christmas spirit who we love and miss dearly. Thinking of you all this Christmas.”

Talking about Christmas without her daughter, Freya, Ashlea said: “Two years ago I had my first Christmas without Freya – it was just a few weeks after Freya had died. It still doesn’t feel right celebrating Christmas. Every year Freya would use her own money to fill a shoebox with gifts for a children’s charity – something I will continue to do.”

Talking about Christmas without her son, Harry, Clare said: “The firsts without Harry were really hard – first birthdays, first Christmas – all the special family occasions. I attended a candle making event organised by Momentum and it really helped me get through the run up to Christmas.”

This Christmas, our thoughts are with every family who has experienced the death of a child. Please be gentle with yourselves, and remember that Vanessa, Charlotte and Amy from our Echoes team are here to offer support whenever you need it.

Find out more about our bereavement support service, Momentum Echoes here